58 hours

so I have been 58 hours without a cigarrette. I have begun to notice some changes. I am coughing less, I can smell more, the smell of cigarrettes bothers me, I can tell when someone has been smoking and they stink. Some things taste better.

A friend visited tonight. A non-smoking friend. We visited for a while and it was distracting. I did not go through my normal after the kids are in bed craving.

I imagine the stress is wrecking havoc with my cycle, which is already screwy lately. Ahhh this oughta be fun. I took a pregnancy test a couple days ago because my AF is 1 full month (and then some) late. If she does not show by the end of this coming week, I am going into my doctor. I am assuming that my cycle is in a messed up state because of going off the pill and not having a normal AF before going back on the pill. I have taken 4 pregnancy tests in the last month, all negative, so I believe it is a pretty safe bet that I am not pregnant. It is kind of a wait and see thing. My doctor said to come in if it gets to be 2 full months with no AF and he will run some tests. I will never say this probably again in my entire life but hurry up AF.

Check out my Garage sale find

$10 and it is one of the really nice and sturdy ones too!!

Oh and a couple pics of my cuties

44 hours and counting

last night was horrible. I couldn't sleep, I felt dizzy, I felt twitchy. My brain would not shut off so I could fall asleep. It was terrible. The cravings have subsided but I believe I am experience withdrawal symptoms. Along with not smoking, my chocolate cravings have increased and I fear that my weight will as well but in all honesty if I gain some weight, the health benefits from not smoking will far outweigh the temporary weight gain. And it will be temporary. I just have to control it so it does not get too out of hand.

24 hours of smoke-free-ness

the cravings are managable so far. I have heard that the first 24 hours are usually not too bad it is the next 48 hours that are the worst.

Other than the kids driving me crazy with the whininess and demanding today (normally I have a bit more patience).

I have no smokes in the house and no way to get any so even if I wanted one I couldn't get one.

ahhhhhh the first morning wake up

Well here it is almost 20 hours since my last smoke. I thought this morning would be hard but so far it isn't. I haven't even needed a piece of gum or a candy to get my through it.

I was talking to hubby last night and I should him just how much of our budget smoking was taking up. Also his drinking. He has a couple beers a night and between the cost of that and both of us smoking, it was eating up a very good portion of our budget. Hubby promised me that if I can go these next two weeks without smoking, he will try to quit. He is currently in the smoking less and less stage. He counted last night and figures that he smokes 1 1/2 packs a day. At $4.50 a pack in our state that is significant savings if he does quit.

And while I am on the topic, why is it that the mother is always the one to sacrifice for the kids and rarely the Dad? Not all dad's are like that. My hubby is pretty good but there are some things that I would like to change. I would love to change his 6 or more cans of Mountain Dew a day addiction (nothing else will do has to be mountain dew), the beer everyday (granted it is not a lot but a couple beers everyday does wear on the pocketbook, even if they are drank at home), and the feeling of I work so I deserve it. Yes I agree you bring in the money you do deserve whatever but not a constant I-deserve-it, once in a while fine, but not all the time. It isn't that hubby spends money, he rarely does, it is just that he plans to do this or that with no real thought on whether we can afford it or not, so I have to be the bad guy and say no because it is too expensive. Case in point, the 4 wheeler he has been thinking about buying from his brother. Turns out his brother wants about double what we were planning on (and I didn't think we could afford that either) so hubby is not going to buy it.

Some of the things I have sacrificed to stay home with the kids (and I am glad that I am home with the kids, don't get me wrong there. I am just showing what I have changed to do this.)

soda
new bras (I am really in need of them)
shoes (I deperately need a decent pair for walking)
got rid of my stereo equipment for my car
most everything name-brand (I only buy generic stuff)
my love of just cruising the mall
and now smoking~sure I didn't smoke all that much anyway but honestly I did enjoy smoking. Why?? I am not sure. I guess it was the stress relief I felt with it but when it became stressful to figure out how to afford them, it became quite obvious that I needed to quit.

anyway sorry if this post is rambling and not quite coherent. I have noticed that a side effect of not smoking is my inability to form a complete thought (at least for the moment, that will get better. It has every time I have quit).

one hour and counting

so far so good. Granted it has only been 1 hour but I am not feeling too bad at all. I was even able to go into the tobacco outlet and pick up cigarrettes for Hubby without even glancing at the kind I usually buy. hubby and I have come to an agreement of sorts. he does not want to quit smoking. I cannot force him to quit. He has to want to on his own but I have made up some new rules. They consist of no smoking in my car or his SUV if I am with him. We don't smoke when the kids are with us anyway but on the rare occaision that we are going somewhere alone, I have asked that he not smoke in front of me. He has to smoke outside, not in the bathroom, not in the basement, completely out of the house and garage ( we were doing that anyway but I am getting rid of the ashtrays so there will be no sneaking a smoke in the bathroom). Basically I am limiting my own exposure to smoke and people that smoke for the immediate future while the cravings are still so strong. I am putting a big no smoking sign on the door to the house so no one will be allowed to smoke around me. All of my family and friends smoke, so I am avoiding a few of them for the next week or so. They know why too. I picked up some hard candies and some gum today. I had a tin of altoids in the car already.

I am ready. I can do this. I have to do this. I want to do this!!!

The baby's pneumonia

The baby is feeling much better. She is still coughing but is no longer wheezing and gasping for breath. Yeah, she is getting better.

DONE FOR GOOD!!!

As soon as my last 4 cigarrettes are gone I am done for good. I will not smoke again. I have quit each of my pregnancies only to restart again. With the rising cost of everything and the fact that I am not currently employed I cannot afford to support this habit anymore. I am prepared to be angry, anxious and not myself for the next few days. I NEED to do this and I need to do it cold turkey. That is the only way that works for me. I have to do this for my health. I do not smoke around my kids but I know that the health benefits of me not smoking will be good for them too. So I am going to keep track of my efforts and my cravings etc here. wish me luck. I am serious this time. I have gum and hard candy. I have been working the last week on breaking a couple other smoking related habits, such as smoking right after dinner outside and first thing in the morning after the girls are set.

Taking a short break

I am taking a short brak from blogging. The baby is sick. She has pnuemonia and an ear infection. My brain is drained from dealing with 2 sicks kids and a sick hubby and now I am starting to get sick as well. Look for me toward the end of the week but do not be surprised to not hear anything until next week. I am taking some much needed break time from my blog as well as most of my other "commitments".

Thanks


~Jess~

what do YOU think?

I would like to send a thank you card to the owner of my husband's company for the wonderful party this past weekend. Having worked for a very unfamily oriented company previously, it is a blessing that the new employer is so family orientated. Do you think it would make my hubby look like a butt kisser if I send a thank you card to the owner?

I am torn. I do not want my hubby to come across as a butt kisser but I want to let this man know how much his generosity was appreciated and how much fun our daughter (and us!) had at this party.