hot tea and memories

I am sitting here drinking a bit glass of hot tea. It reminds me soo much of my Grandpa that passed away 8 years ago. He drank hot tea every day. With just a touch of sugar in it. I used splenda today but it is bringing back a lot of memories of him. Cold winter days when my parents trailer had no heat so we used space heaters. I would run over to Grandpa's in the morning for breakfast, sometimes still in my pjs because we had no water for washing clothes (pipes would freeze). We lived in the trailer in my Grandparents yard. They had a house but a small one. On the really cold nights, mom, dad, Josh and I would sleep on a quilt on their living room floor. You know we were dirt poor but I never knew it. I was only 4 at that time but I still remember eating breakfast and drinking tea with Grandpa every morning. Little did I know at the time that Grandpa loved coffee but drank tea because it was much cheaper and they could only afford 1 small can of coffee a month. It is wierd but even just the smell of a glass of hot tea will bring me to tears sometimes.

Tea brings back some really good memories of my childhood. My parents would fix a glass of tea with honey and lemon when we had nasty colds. Dad drank big glasses of iced tea in the summer.

I figured out the issue

I now know what my problem is today. I figured it out when I took my birth control this morning. It is my PMS week. My TOM is due next week, usually starts on Wednesday, so today is the first day of my Pre-menstrual week. That would explain my lack of motivation, My unending hunger, my desire to devoure everything fatty and chocolately. So I am going to take it easy on myself, watch it a bit but let myself enjoy a bit of a break. Not going overboard, but letting up on myself a bit.

I baked a crustless pumpkin pie today. It uses skim evaporated milk and other reduced fat ingredients but tastes very much like a regular pumpkin pie.

This NEVER happens...NEVER

Hubby is going grocery shopping with the kids and I this weekend. It is only happening because he is getting some work done on the SUV and doesn't want to sit at the dealership while they are working on it. We are doing our once-a-month pantry stocking. I am so glad he is going. He can see what it is like to try and grocery shop with 2 kids in tow. It will be nice for me to have the help and for him to be able to pick out some things for his lunch. I never know what to get him because he doesn't like things like cakes and cookies. He will eat an oatmeal creme pie every now and then but he really would rather not.
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My weight flucuates so much. UGH! I am glad that I have taken to only counting one weigh in a week. Yesterday my weight was at 245.2. Today it is back up to 246.2. Still a bit of a loss for the week. I am feeling unmotivated this week. I don't feel like working out, my right shoulder is so sore I have been doing the weight lifting motions but not using any weight. I am hoping that going through the motions will loosen it up so it stops hurting. I have been feeling like just giving up lately. I know I cannot but I feel like doing so. I am not overdoing it. I just think that I am bored with winter and I need a change.

mini shopping trip today

I had to go to the store for a few things. They were having a produce sale (again) and we bought oranges, apples and bananas. The only not so healthy thing we bought is Mountain Dew for hubby's lunches. This is a HUGE change. We would usually buy some sort of snacks but not this time.

ate well

Dinner went well tonight. I ate a chicken sandwich and about 1/2 my fries and I was full. Normally, I could eat the sandwich, all my fries and ice cream. Not so tonight.

Going out to dinner

Today is the first time since my diet that we are going out to eat. We are going out to dinner with my parents. Here's to ordering something healthy.

more friends, more fun

We had a girls night tonight over at a friends house. She has 2 kids that are a bit older than K. K had fun playing with them both. Then our single friend had made dinner for us. It was delicious. Strips of streak with these amazing onions. K ate more onions than anyone else. Then there was ice cream for dessert. I passed on the ice cream but K had some and really enjoyed it. It was a great night. I have never seen my friend with the kids so happy. She is in the middle of a nasty divorce. She has started dating again and this guy makes her so happy. It is wonderful to see her happy.


While we were gone, Hubby got some precious time to himself. He really enjoyed that. He needs some alone time once in awhile and I am happy to oblige him when I can.

a down day and a new favorite snack

I don't know why, I am just having a down day. It helped some to get out of the house for a bit and it helped even more to find out that we are FINALLY getting the money that we are owed from the previous employer. Hubby and I previously worked for the same employer and it is a long drawn out tale that I won't get into but suffice it to say, I was forced in Medical Leave during my pregnancy and subsequently fired. Shortly after my termination, they started to go after my hubby for stupid crap, so he found a new job. They "forgot" to file some paperwork that we needed so we have been waiting since November for this money. It is a nice sum of money. Enough so that we do not have to worry about vehicle payments anymore.

My new favorite snack is Quakes rice cakes, I found them in the cereal section at my local grocery store. I tried the chocolate ones this time. They are good. 60 calories 10 fat calories in 7 mini rice cakes. I am not a big fan of rice cakes but these are good.

It is snowing pretty heavily outside. I am glad Hubby is home from work. It started just as he got off work. Our "ice"way is going to be incredibly slick tommorrow. Our driveway has a layer of ice over the gravel because of the recent thaw and refreeze. Not even ice melt salt will not completely get rid of it.

When I have a day like this, I like to step on the scale and see that I am below 250. That is a big achievement and it brightens me up a bit.

ugh!

We decided on a whim to take lunch to Hubby at work. Since it was already 11:30 and his lunch is at 12:00 and we had 20 minute drive, I stopped by Mcdonald's. I did good though. I got myself a plain hamburger and shared a small order of fries with Kaitlin. I took a bottle of water from home to drink. I really did not need the fat or salt in my diet but we wanted to surprise Hubby and it was too last minute of a decision to make him something or stop at Subway. I could have eaten worse. My total calories for the meal was 375. That is not that bad considering it is fast food.

tried out the new DVD

So this morning I tried the cardio burn DVD and quite frankly I hate it. I am going to try it again another day but today was not the day for it. I made it through 25 minutes. My knees were killing me and the arm movements are not in time with the leg movements so it was kinda difficult to follow so early in the morning. I don't know if that DVD will have to wait until I lose more weight or if I am just hurting from yesterday. Either way I was not impressed with it this morning. I did the mimi challenge from the weight loss board I below to and I am going to do the short workout from my old standby-the Cindy Crawford video. It doesn't help either that I was soooo hungry yesterday. I ate just over 1800 calories. My upper limit is 1800 but I was still hungry, actually hungry, so I ate. I am down 1.4 lbs so far since last Friday's check in I would like that to be 2 lbs but I will take what I can get.

I think after this month my monthly goals will be changed to weekly goals instead. I think that will help me stay on track better. This is all a learning process for me.

Anyway, off to finish up my 45 minutes of working out today and then a shower.

Starving tonight

I guess the last couple of days where I haven't been hungry are starting to catch up to me. I am STARVING. I am so glad I set myself a range of calories, I am going to use them tonight.

whew!

I worked out to the Cindy Crawford video again today after having done my new one for the last 2 days. WOW. The other one is definitely a breeze compared to the Cindy one.

It is not yet 8 am here and I have already started on my water intake for the day. That is good. I did have a diet cola when I woke up. K and I are cleaning the upstairs today so I will get a workout carrying the vacuum and the carpet shampooer upstairs.

I asked Hubby if we can buy a better carpet shampooer when we get our tax return. He said I could. I really don't need to ask his permission to buy things but because I want one that is almost $200, I felt I should discuss it with him first. I would also like to get a better vacuum cleaner as well but the shampooer is more important right now. Our current one only picks up about 1/2 the water it lays out. Not cool. I have to go over the carpets 2-3 times in order to get it partially dry.

I have been asked on a board I am a member of what my fitness program is. So here goes.

I work out a minimum of 6 days a week. Because I can't get outside for cardio and I do not want to pay for a gym, I am doing light strength training everday but doing a different video. I recently bought a cardio video so I am going to mix it up a bit. My plan is to do my Cindy video one day, my cardio the next, Then either the Cindy one or the Kathy one and so on. The light strength training also has bits of cardio in it. I know that once I can get outside with the kids, I will slack on the weight training so in the end it will work out ok. I will probably only strength train once or twice a week in the summer, not because I don't like to, just because I LOVE being outside and will spend a lot of my time taking the kids for a walk or playing in the yard with them.

I am eating between 1500-1800 calories a day, keeping my fat % below 30, but shooting for below 25. I try to eat 1600-1700 a day but wanted to give myself a range for those hungry days. I eat 4-5 times a day. Dinner is my biggest meal. I work out in the morning as much as I can and then finish up when the kids are napping. I am drinking a minimum of 8 cups of water a day. I don't eat withing 2 hours of bedtime. Nothing is off-limits in my diet. I can eat whatever. I just have to write it down and eat it in moderation. If I know we are having a dinner that I love, I eat a lighter lunch and smaller snacks.

not really a "diet" food

but I love Reese's puffs cereal. I eat 1 serving dry as a snack. Sooo good and totally calms my sweet tooth.

So I ended up getting a water bottle. Not the big one but a smaller one with a regular cap and I got K her own little kid size one with a sport cap. Maybe she will not steal my water bottle now. Once spring hits and we can go walking, I want to get a nice insulated bottle or I will just start freezing my bottles again when they are half full. Then I will have cold water all day long.

hahaha

I had a glass of water next to me and I opened a diet cola. I took one drink out of the cola and was reading something on the internet. I went to grab a drink, grabbed my glass of water instead of my soda. Now that is a big change for me. The water tasted better than the soda.

changes

I am starting to notice small changes in my eating. I do not need to eat as much to get full. I reach for fruit or a low fat chocolate before cookies. I actually like to drink water.

Tonight for dinner we had roast beef and potatoes with onions. I ate 1 serving of potatoes and 3 oz of meat and I was full.

I worked out to my new Kathy Kaehler DVD. It does not seem as strenous as the Cindy Crawford one so I think I am going to use this new one on days when I am not feeling much like working out or on my less strenous days. I do like the ab section in this work though. She does a yoga pose that you are supposed to hold for 1 minute. OMG I could really feel my abs working during that one. WOW. It actually kind of hurt in the lower ab section after about 30 seconds. Of course that is where my c-section scars are so that could be a part of it. Those muscles are messed up from being cut open twice but I know if I work at it I can lose that fat section. Just because I had 2 c-sections does not mean I cannot have a flat stomach, I just have to work harder at it.

Also in the leg section there was this killer move, You slide down on a wall until it is like you are sitting in a chair. Then you hold it for 1 minute. It is killer on the legs but wow what a move. I could feel the leg, butt and thigh muscles tightening.

compromise

Marriage is about compromise and that is just what hubby and I did. Because of his concern over my dieting and exercise, I will be taking 1 day a week where I do not count calories or worry about what or how much I eat. I will still exercise but I will not be concerned about food.

100th post!!!

Wow that did not take long at all.

Anyway I got a great deal tonight at the grocery store. I went for milk and soda and came home with 3-12 packs of diet cola, milk, 2 packages of cut up whole chicken for 79 cents a lb, 2 containers of turkey breast lunch meat for 98 cents a container, round steak for $3.09 for the 2 lb package, a 3 lb bag of boneless chicken breasts for $5.00, and a 2 lb roast for $3.00. Hubby was not impressed by all the grocery bags when I came in the house but once he saw all I got for just over $30, he was pretty impressed.

chocolate

I love chocolate. So as a treat to myself I bought some low fat chocolates today, tootsie roll snack bars, 100 calories in 2 of them, and some york peppermint patties, the mini ones. Usually just a couple of the tootsie roll bars or a couple patties will satisfy my chocolate craving. Plus, because I actually like them, I don't feel like I am deny myself anything.

I figured it out

Today for breakfast I ate 1 serving of dry cereal, 1/2 cup of peaches and 1 cup of milk. I was not even hungry at lunch time. Usually by the third day of cutting calories and journaling ( I have done this in the past) I am STARVING. Today is different. I think I finally figured out what has eluded me all these years. I NEED to eat more but a healthier more and SLOWER. That's what it is. Seems obvious right? It has been there in my face all these years but today the lightbulb finally lit. I was completely full after breakfast. I ate slower, I talked to Kait in between bites. I took the time to savor each bit. I did the same with my salad for lunch. Ate slowly, relished each bite and when I was full, I quit eating. Why I say I need to eat more is because other times I have tried dieting and failed was because I cut my calories too drastically in the beginning. I would go from normal eating of about 25oo calories a day down to 1200 overnight. No wonder why I couldn't lose weight and gave up so quickly.

One thing I am trying this time around ( MY LAST TIME DIETING! I AM GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME AND NEVER HAVE TO DIET AGAIN!!) is giving myself a calorie intake range. My range is 1500-1800. I will make myself eat at least 1500 calories a day (not that it is going to be a problem) but I am giving myself more room for snacking on days I am more hungry. I understand now that setting an absolute maximum and setting it too low is going to cause me more problems than it will do good. Setting a limit that is too low will actually circumvent all the hard work I am putting into exercising. I am more likely to "cheat" and just give up, if I set it too low. Basically I would be setting myself up for failure. Makes sense now!

why do they have to taste soooo good?

Seriously why? I made some cheddar and garlic butter biscuits to go with our dinner tonight. They are 100 calories each and sooooo good. I have already eaten 4!!! WTH?!? I just can't stop eating them. They are so good. Dinner is baked chicken breasts and I was going to make scalloped corn to go with them but I think I am going to skip the corn and do a different, AKA less caloried, side dish. Maybe I will just make a can of peas instead.