thief

I stole this from Jenera because she is my homie! Feel free to steal it from me.

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say? well I would be a bit upset with him since he put in my IUD today, but I would be pretty happy. Hubby would probably die of a massive heart attack however.

2. When was the last time you flew in a plane? when I was 8

3. What did the last text message you sent say? no clue I don't use text messaging anymore.

4. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex? teeth, butt, eyes, personality, goals in life

5. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?lose weight, get my car paid off

6. Shoe size? 11 in regular shoes or 12 (in dress shoes)
7. Been to Mexico? yes when I was 8 and 9
8. When is the last time you had a massage? a real one, after I had that baby

9. What was the last TV show you watched? scrubs

10. What are your plans for the weekend?no idea

11. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say? yes

12. What is in the back seat of your car right now? 2 car seats, Livy's sling for me to "wear" her when we go somewhere, toys

13. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? feeding the baby

14. If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be? not sure, Brad Pitt is hot though.

15. Have you ever been to a strip club? yes

16. What is the best ice cream flavor? I don't really like ice cream

17. What is the last sporting event you watched? football on TV

18. Ever go camping? yeah a long time ago

19. Last phone call? from hubby on his lunch break

20. Are you allergic to anything?nickel as in cheap jewelry, seriously, my finger turns green and I get a really nasty rash with pimples in it

21. What is one thing you have learned about life recently? That family is worse than most of your known enemies~I agree

22. What do you do at work? I clean house, cook meals, run errands, take care of the kids, make calls, exercise, etc.

23. What is your mom's name? Sandy

24. Ever cried for no reason? yeah, after I thought about it, there was no reason to cry but at the time I thought I had lots of reasons~happens just about every time

25. Can you do the Crank Dat dance?not sure what it is

26. What is your favorite color to wear? depends on my mood and on the clothing

27. What is the longest plane ride you have ever been on? 1 hour

28. What is the longest road trip you have ever taken? Utah to Wisconsin....then back to Utah 2 days later

29. What are your turn-offs? nasty breath is the biggest one and having my ears touched, kissed or anything. DO NOT MESS WITH MY EARS!!!!

30. What was your last alcoholic beverage? a beer a couple weeks ago

31. What are you craving right now? nothing actually.

hot tea and memories

I am sitting here drinking a bit glass of hot tea. It reminds me soo much of my Grandpa that passed away 8 years ago. He drank hot tea every day. With just a touch of sugar in it. I used splenda today but it is bringing back a lot of memories of him. Cold winter days when my parents trailer had no heat so we used space heaters. I would run over to Grandpa's in the morning for breakfast, sometimes still in my pjs because we had no water for washing clothes (pipes would freeze). We lived in the trailer in my Grandparents yard. They had a house but a small one. On the really cold nights, mom, dad, Josh and I would sleep on a quilt on their living room floor. You know we were dirt poor but I never knew it. I was only 4 at that time but I still remember eating breakfast and drinking tea with Grandpa every morning. Little did I know at the time that Grandpa loved coffee but drank tea because it was much cheaper and they could only afford 1 small can of coffee a month. It is wierd but even just the smell of a glass of hot tea will bring me to tears sometimes.

Tea brings back some really good memories of my childhood. My parents would fix a glass of tea with honey and lemon when we had nasty colds. Dad drank big glasses of iced tea in the summer.

thoughts

I have been thinking a lot lately about my goal. My end goal of 180 lbs by O's first birthday. That is 77 lbs lost. That is exactly 1/2 of my husbands weight. Both of my kids together don't even weigh 77lbs. How did I get this way? Why did I let it go this far?

I have been heavy all my life, except for a couple year stretch during and after my eating disorder time. I weighed about 230 my freshman year of high school. I can't tell you how much I weighed during highschool because I never stepped on a scale. I know I gained after that. I was active in sports, I worked a part-time job after school but I ate junk food. My parents are not the healthiest people either. They do not eat the healthiest food, do not worry about calories, do not exercise. I never really learned about how to diet and exercise in a healthy way, until I was forced to seek help for my eating disorder.

I think part of the reason it went so far is because I was tired. I know that is not an acceptable excuse but that is my reason. I worked full-time and then some. I got married, got settled, had kids. Trying to keep up the household, the kids and working full-time with little help from my husband because he was working 60 + hours a week. I was too tired to exercise. Now I realize that I still could have exercised but I needed to schedule it, just like I would any other commitment.

I NEED to start working out again

I have not gained or lost any weight since my weigh in Friday. I need to start working out again. After cartoons are over, I am going to work out. Lord knows if I switch to my exercise video during Dora, K will have a fit. I know this week is going to be hard, my mom makes to die for fudge. It is so hard to eat just one piece.

Hubby had to work 5 hours today. That kind of sucked but we had no plans to go anywhere so that is ok. The girls and I are going to hang out at home. I need to clean up the toy room (again).

My brother came over to snowblow our driveway. We probably got close to a foot of snow on top of what we already had. This reminds me of winters when I was a child. We would get snowed in for days because we lived in a valley. The snow would drift 5-6 feet and we had to wait until the county brought a grader out to clean us out. I think that is part of the reason why I stock up when I hear about snow storms coming, even though we live in town. I buy extra milk, soda and any of the necessities. We have never lost power in town but it could happen so I make sure I have a jug of water in the fridge as well. I can still use our stove because it is propane. It won't light automatically but we have a candle lighter just for that purpose. Call me crazy (my hubby does) but I like being prepared, especially having small children.

Last winter our furnace went out on the coldest day of the season. Hubby was happy that I had extra blankets. It was 55 degrees in our house and it was below 50 by the time the furnace guy got it fixed. It went out sometime around 5 am so we did not have too many hours of no furnace. about 5, but it was COLD. K was just over a year old. He cuddled her on the couch while I used the stove for a little bit of heat.

a bit of background

After having my oldest child (K just turned 2 the end of November)I went back to work full-time. I lost all the weight I gained with pregnancy, 90+ lbs, in just 4 months. That was fantastic. I lost over 40 by the time I left the hospital because I had 2 bags of water. I gained a tremendous amount of water weight with her. I just assumed, falsely, that it would be the same this time around. NOPE. I lost about 35 of the 70 lbs I put on this time and now I am stalled out. I am not returning to the same job so I will not have the benefits of 8 hours of walking while getting paid for it, like I did previously.

There are other benefits that I have now, like being able to work out and being home with my kids. So that far outweighs the stressful situation I was in previously.

I have been overweight almost all of my life. I had a 2 year stretch where I had lost weight and was still slightly above the recommended weight for my height but I was smaller than I am now. As a kid, I was fat. As a teen, I was fat. As a young adult, I was chubby. I met hubby and settled down only to become a fat adult.

So I told hubby

about using Alli. He is not too keen on it. He doesn't understand the struggle. He has been underweight or at the "right" weight all of his life. He has not been heavy like I have. I told him well I bought it and I am going to try it and if it doesn't work I will quit and try something else after I use up this bottle. That will be just over a month so I should have a pretty good idea if it works or not by that time.

He knows about my eating disorder problems that is why he is so concerned. He knows I have fallen back into that on occasion but have always "came back" quickly. I have his support in weight loss, just not in "drugs" to help it. Well whatever. He will like it alot when I am looking and feeling better.

starting today

So I am starting today. I am no longer going to be the "fat mom","fat wife", etc. I am done. I am so tired of looking like crap in everything I wear. I want to be healthy for my kids and my husband. I want to be able to wear a size 12 again. Obviously I would like to wear an 8 or 10 but I am happy (and being realistic) with a 12. I have never posted my weight for the world to see before so here goes........

ya ready????......


257 lbs. Yeah that's right I said it 257 lbs on this 5 ft 9 inch 28 year old female. This is the most I have weighed my whole life. Even in high school I maxed out at 230. I can only remember one time since I understood about weight that I was under 200 and that was during my eating disorder days, after highschool. I was 180 and looked sickly. I dropped 50 lbs in 3 months. I am NOT going to do it that way this time. I am going to do this healthy and KEEP IT OFF!!

So today I start. I started taking Alli along with my diet and exercise plan. I am ready and I am motivated. I am going to do this for myself and my family.

As you following along with my journey, you will learn more about me, my family, and my life in general. Not every post will be about my weightloss (or lack thereof....c'mon people, I know that there will be times that I may not lose anything or I might even gain). So follow me...maybe I can inspire you, or at least make you laugh...

current stats:
weight 257
height 5'9"
jean size 20