not so blah

I weighed myself this morning and I am back down to 251. I am starting to become a bit obsessive over the weight. I know this but I am not beating myself up over it so that is a change over the eating disorder days. I think seeing the number getting lower keeps me motivated so I do weigh myself everyday because of that. I just have to not get upset when it doesn't go down from day to day. I am losing 1-2 lbs a week as a goal so I know that I cannot see a lower number every day.

So I told hubby

about using Alli. He is not too keen on it. He doesn't understand the struggle. He has been underweight or at the "right" weight all of his life. He has not been heavy like I have. I told him well I bought it and I am going to try it and if it doesn't work I will quit and try something else after I use up this bottle. That will be just over a month so I should have a pretty good idea if it works or not by that time.

He knows about my eating disorder problems that is why he is so concerned. He knows I have fallen back into that on occasion but have always "came back" quickly. I have his support in weight loss, just not in "drugs" to help it. Well whatever. He will like it alot when I am looking and feeling better.